While it’s pretty clear to me why I am the most interesting person in the world, it was brought to my attention that I need to inform the public as to why. Poor world, you have been in the dark too long.
1) I am the reason everyone has an iPhone.
This one time, I emailed Steve Jobs while he was India, and suggested he make Apple cool again. He was reluctant, but went with it.
2) I let Kanye finish.
Because, lets just be honest, I have the best album of all time.
3) I built Disneyland with my bare hands.
My friend Walt and I had this crazy idea once.
4) Kylie Jenner is inspired by my style.
Can she just stop copying me already? It’s alarming.
5) I’m actually the biggest thing since sliced bread.
Just ask Wonderbread. I’m significantly denser than it.
6) Buzzfeed copies my blog format.
6 reasons why.
7) I use quotes from Jennifer Garner movies as my blog titles.
And if that wasn’t obvious, we are done here.
8) I made Ray Bans cool.
While on the set for Risky Business, Tom Cruise asked if he could borrow my Wayfarers for a scene. I told him that I guessed he could, but I wasn’t sure if the world would quite “get” it.
9) I was the first person to live in a pineapple under the sea.
Never believe what you’re told.
10) Finally, I never prefer a Dos Equis.
So stop thinking the most interesting person in the world would expect anything else.